on setting boundaries and your skin.

I love boundaries. I have been practicing setting them for a long time now and if you ask my friends they would agree, I am good at them. I am not a hard ass or a stick in the mud but I am not afraid to say no to something if I do not have the capacity to fully deliver or if by doing do it means not caring for myself.

We have all been there - you say yes to do something for someone even when that little voice inside you is telling you it’s too much and you don’t have the time. But you say yes anyways, because if you don’t you may come off as selfish or an asshole, and what could possibly be worse than that! ;) Then the time comes and you realize you have a million others things to do, time is running out, so you stretch yourself thin to try and accommodate others. Before you know it you’re crying in your car, you have completely abandoned yourself and you feel stressed and depleted. Your nervous system is jacked and you’re not doing any of the tasks well. Not to mention you are not taking care of your basic needs - you have deprioritized your needs and put everyone else’s in front of your own. Oof.

After repeating this drama cycle so many times it starts to show up in our bodies in different ways. It can manifest through hormone imbalances, gut issues, inflammation, problems sleeping, skin issues and many other acute or chronic symptom’s. On the skin it can present as breakouts, redness, dull complexion, rashes, inflammation, the list goes on. Running ourselves ragged for others and not taking care of ourselves is stressful for the body. You can read more about stress and the skin here.

Setting boundaries is hard. It can be scary to change the narrative and start saying no. However, on the other side of that fear is freedom. Freedom to fill your time with people and activities you actually want to invest in. Time to rest, cook, go on walks, and hang with friends and family. Time to do whatever the f*** you want! You are allowed to say no to things that you simply don’t want to do without over explaining yourself. Wanting to stay home to watch Netflix and do a face mask is a totally worth while way to spend your time. Putzing around your house fluffing pillows is also a beautiful use of time! When you fill your own cup you are more able to fully show up in your life. Relationships with others will become richer. More importantly, your relationship with yourself will become one rooted in trust and love for self.

Check out Melissa Urban’s Book of Boundaries for scripts to help you set boundaries in all kinds of situations.